The Crazy Neighbor Lady With No Pants

This morning, I had my first terrifying "living on my own" experience. At my dollhouse apartment, I have a nice little porch to myself, that also has a gate that leads down some steps to the backyard. At the bottom of the steps, you can just walk directly onto the property behind ours and head towards the main road. I've never felt unsafe in my apartment, but not long after I moved in, I noticed the gate on my porch was being left open. I realized someone was probably using my porch as a cut through to get to that road and lazily leaving my gate open. I didn't love the idea, but I wasn't too concerned, just curious who it was.

This may be TMI, but I'm telling you anyways. When I'm getting ready for work, the apartment tends to get super hot and stuffy so at this point in my routine I'm half dressed...shirt on, but no pants.

While mid-routine, I was my kitchen making breakfast while chatting with a friend and noticed to white blurs run by my window in the crouched position onto my porch. I ran the 2 feet to the living room window and peep out and see a kid who is still crouched down and from this position it looks like he's trying to steal my chair. The next few thoughts race through my mind:

1. Someone else is with this kid, because I know I saw two blurs. Is it a kid or an adult?
2. I'm getting robbed and I really don't know what to do about it.
3.. Do I open the door now or put on pants and then attack?

I immediately decide if I take the time to find pants, this kid will be gone—and no one is stealing from me, even if I'm scared out of my mind right now.

So I fling open the door (trying my best to keep my waist hidden behind the door) and yell, "What the heck are you doing?!?!" I see the other kid is halfway down the stairs and I'm pretty sure the other saw me peep out the window and was scared to move after that.

They looked to be anywhere form 8 to 10 and in shaky voices informed me they were just cutting through and asked me if that was okay. I tried to laugh (still hiding my no-pantsed self behind the door, but I'm pretty sure he knew what was going on) and told them that was okay, but that they had just scared me.

So now the mystery of my porch runner is solved and all the neighborhood kids are telling each other about the crazy lady next door with no pants on. Only me.

Have A Funky Friday

While writing my 1,500 word article for the day is super thrilling, I really need to use my lunch break to write about something less...work-ey.

I must say, I'm one lucky gal. I've got the best friends a girl could ask for and there's more than about 20 of them I can call on at any time. They've really been there for me this week, without hesitation. They know when I need a funny g-chat, an emoticon rant, or when I just want to walk into Sing It or Wing It and sing a "here's what I think about that" kind of song—and they're willing to do any of the above. If you don't have friends like this in life, you've missed out.

After an interesting pedicure experience, I was quite sure my week couldn't get any weirder.

My friend Todd told me I'm a "shit-magnet". I don't totally disagree after this weeks events.

While in pure bliss from this pedicure, I hear a woman walk in and start yelling. At first I think she's joking around with the owner, until I finally realize he's yelling at her to leave or he'll call the police. Apparently, she has some dementia issues and keeps forgetting when she gets manicures and is convinced they are taking her money...go figure. As our nails are drying, two rather attractive cops show up to take the statement and they were rather smiley at us. When I passed them at the red light when we left, I think for the first time in my life, I considered doing something to purposely get pulled over.

After the craziest pedi ever, two friends called wanting to buy me a beer and ensure my sanity was still intact. I really didn't want to because the past two nights didn't consist of much sleep and I was definitely starting to feel the reprocussions.

They were relentless, like all good friends should be, so I took my grungy (but freshly painted toenailed) self to The Terminal. After catching up, they managed to get me to go to Market Street Tavern for just one drink.

That "one drink" was the best thing to happen to me all week. Holy cow. You haven't lived until you've had the Funky Monkey martini at Market Street Tavern. I mean this thing was perfection. It's also their martini of the month all month. I posted a recipe I found online so you can try it and see for yourselves or just go there and pay the $7 to make someone else do it because it's WELL worth it. I highly recommend you make your Friday funky with all your funky friends. If you don't have friends like mine, I highly recommend you find some. Life is way more bearable with them. :)


Funky Monkey Martini

2 ounces of Score Banana vodka
1 ounce of Creme de Cacao
1 tablespoon of chocolate syrup
1 tablespoon of chocolate milk

2 freezing martini glasses

The mix
Add your Score Banana vodka and Creme de Cacao to a shaker half full of ice.
Shake, shake, shake for a full minute.
Add the chocolate milk to your shaker, and give another ten shakes.
Strain your chocolate martini into the glasses.



Stay funky,
KL

Story Time

I have plenty to blog about right now. Too much to even think about, but I promise the blog that needs to be written is coming.

In the meantime, I want to hear your awful dating stories. A co-worker mentioned that she wished she could anonymously post her dating nightmares so let's hear it. I want to know your worst pick-up attempts, the most awkward first dates, the greatest break-ups, whatever you think will make others feel like they're not alone in this awful world of singledom. You can send them to my email Kerrigasskd@gmail.com and I won't include names when I post them, unless you want me to.

I may even have a prize in it for the best one. Just sayin'.

KL

What the Starbucks Barista Didn't Know

I slept all of one tossing and turning hour last night. It was a downright crappy night. 4 of my close friends got 3:30 am phone calls. I dreaded today, too because I knew it would suck. Let's just say this about my bad night, if I knew a damn thing about dating, I wouldn't have a blog called "Single in the Little City." (and the fact that my ex-failance's new fiance decided to comment on every picture of his that I ever commented on so I'd receive a notification didn't help either. The blog about that scenario is coming soon.)

Needless to say, I needed the green twin-tailed siren more than she knew this morning.

I ordered my usual venti coffee with room for cream and the guy joked, "Sorry we're out of room today." I giggled and thought, "Ok, maybe this day won't suck."

Wrong. I reached in my purse and realized my wallet wasn't there because I picked up the wrong purse this morning. I told the barista sorry and turned to walk away and she said, "Hey, don't worry about it" and gave me the coffee for free.

My co-workers and I visit this Starbucks daily so she knows I'll get her back, but the point is—she had no idea I had a bad night.
She had no idea I had no sleep or that today was going to come with an awkward, uncomfortable confrontation.

She just paid it forward with no questions asked.
She didn't hesitate for a second.

My point is, you never know what someone is going through, even if they walk around like a ray of sunshine, inside it might be cloudy, so treat people with kindness and compassion and even if you think they're having the best day of their life, do what you can to make it that much better.




KL

Why We Cheat With Ugly People

Have you or someone you know ever been cheated on and then you see the cheatee' and think what the hell? I know it's happened to me, my best friend, people who have been married before—and you can't help but wonder—why did they down-grenade?

When it first happened to my best friend no one could process how you could leave a knock-out for someone who looked like they'd been knocked out.

I caught my ex-failance' cheating on craigslist one time. No lie. I was on his e-mail account to access some hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation and found messages from girls he had contacted on craigslist looking for dates, sex, lord knows what. Do you know what people look like on craigslist? No! Because most of them he was contacting were probably men—but that's just proves....it's not looks that make people cheat—it's unhappiness, and not unhappiness with the relationship, but unhappiness with themselves.

When people cheat, we always ask the wrong question. We ask, "Well how could they do that to them with that?!?"

When really the question should be, "Why did they do something so dumb to themselves?"

Simply put...they're unhappy with some part of themselves and they feel like the thrill and secretiveness of cheating will fill that unhappiness. We all want to be happy and when we aren't anymore, some of us are too afraid to admit it, so we'll sneak around with anyone we can to find that happiness, even if we don't realize it's just going to be temporary and what's coming will be hell to pay.

So if you ever find yourself in this crap situation, don't ask yourself, "How could they do this to me?" yet ask yourself, "Why was I dating someone who was so unhappy they could do this to themselves?"

5 Things I Learned From Table 94

7 years ago today I went to celebrate my best friend's birthday at Provino's and we sat at table 94. I was 15, had just started wearing contacts and was awkward as hell. I noticed a cute boy and for the first time in my life a cute boy noticed me. My waitress ends up giving me his number and we have an awkward conversation as I left that night.

That boy and I dated on and off, then fast forward 6 years and that boy put a ring on my finger.

Fast forward a year from there and that ring is now stashed in my underwear drawer, I own an unused wedding dress, and he has a new girlfriend.

Funny how things don't play out like you thought they would, but the truth is, I learned a lot as the girl from table 94.

1. It's a lot harder to cancel a wedding than plan one. In fact, it's a pain in the ass. Trying to get back deposits and figuring out what to do with the save-the-date magnets you slaved over for hours—sucks. Having to call your marriage counselor and tell them you no longer need it—sucks. Getting the 10% off card to purchase whatever you didn't receive on your gift registry from Target—sucks. As much as it sucks, it's also worth every painful moment. Many of my friends are divorced and I'd rather spend a 3 months canceling a wedding than 6 months waiting for my divorce to go through, which is where it would've obviously led.

2. A lot of people have more than one engagement. At first, I was totally embarrassed. I couldn't tell my Mom for days. I was terrified of her reaction. When I finally did tell her, her response shocked me. She told me it was okay and probably for the best. She wasn't mad about the money we'd spent (maybe the $600 deposit we couldn't get back later down the road), but she was relieved that we discovered something was wrong now and not later. The more people found out about it, the more I found that they too had a failed engagement or two before they found the right one. That was relieving somehow.

3. Trust your gut. When I think back on it, I had a lot of hesitations about things when I first got engaged. Now I realize why and that even though I ignored them, they eventually reared their ugly head themselves. If something doesn't feel right—it's not.

4. Don't ever stop giving your all. I was pissed at first that I spent so much time giving everything I had to someone. Countless trips across country, tons of packages to Afghanistan that cost $14 just to send, and mostly deciding I was willing to leave my family and friends to move to Seattle. I was so angry I ever did any of this or considered the last part. Then, I realized that I couldn't loose that part of myself just because someone didn't appreciate it. I like that I'm a giving girlfriend that would do anything for someone I like/love and I shouldn't just stop doing that because someone might take advantage of it, because one day someone will appreciate it and do the same in return.

5.All wounds really do heal in time. When it all first ended, I went into a panic attack and I'm pretty sure my parents drugged me that first night. I thought I would never get over it. I thought I'd cry every day. I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop texting him. Then, one day...out of nowhere...I realized I had moved on and I'm certain I have because everyone holds special dates like today close to their heart and we dread them when they become a reminder of something that didn't last. I dreaded today too, until I was writing this blog and realized...I didn't cry one damn tear.

KL

Giddy up!

I want to jump back to my last blog..."The Creeper" one. Immediately after writing that blog, I walked from my office to the Lookouts stadium which is only 3 blocks away. It was 5:30 on a Friday afternoon, relatively normal for a woman to be walking downtown, either heading to her car or happy hour, correct? A block away from my building, I see out of the corner of my eye that a tiny smart car with a non-murderer looking business man has pulled up next to me. He rolls down the window and says, "Hey! Need a ride?" At first, I thought maybe I knew him from work, but no, it was just random guy, with NO clue where I'm headed asking if he can take me there. I concluded that must mean one of the following:

1. He's just super creepy.
2. I dress like a homeless person at work and look really helpless.

Bless it.

This past weekend I went to Nashville for the Iroquois Steeplchase horse races. Can I just say, there is nothing better than dressing up in expensive suits, dresses, hats and bow ties and drinking Bud Light? Classy!

I wanted to find my future frat-tastic husband but the fact I went with 3 (very good looking) men didn't help my chances much.


Lucky for me, I'm not exactly looking anyways!