Love Ain't No Fairytale

I recently started attending services at Calvary Chapel and have really enjoyed it. They're doing a 4-week study, led by Andy Stanley, called "The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating" and last night was the first part. I highly encourage you to listen to Part 1 before reading this, but if you can't, this is basically going to be about what I got from it last night. It's not super preachy and I think most of it applies to people who don't believe in God.

I want to start by saying this: Usually after I post a blog, people ask me if it's about them, or if they're boyfriend told me to write it, or they assume it's about a particular relationship of mine. The truth is this:

1. A lot of what I write about IS based on what I'm going through, but I also write blogs about things people ask me to discuss.
2. A lot of you think my blogs are about you-and they probably are, because a lot of you are going through the same things as me.
3. If you think it applies to you and you don't like the way it applies to you...change it.

Moving on...last night was about "The Right Person Myth". You know, that whole fairytale load of crap about how you find Mr./Mrs. Right and suddenly everything else in your life is right? Yea it's a bunch of bull.

The first point he made was that people he refers to as "sport/recreational/serial daters" won't like his series, because they're not looking for anything serious. You do you. But the important point, that stuck like a knife was this, "The PRESENT will be your PAST which will be PRESENT in your FUTURE." In other words, what you're doing now will end up coming up in your life/marriage later. There's no judgment passed on what you're doing now, but just remember, it doesn't go away. Skeletons in the closet anyone? I know it hearing that dusted off some of mine. Note: My blogs are read by approximately 200 people and I guarantee 95% of you just said, "Oh my gosh! She's talking about me!" But it's not coming from me...it's coming from Andy. Even when I heard it, I thought, "How does he know?!" Well, he explained that.

Andy talks about how people think they have this unique, untouchable, never told before love that no one else has ever experienced, but this truth is...it's not. He says, "Your relationship isn't unique, it's a well-worn, predictable path..." And they are. Which is why when you hear this stuff, you think it directly applies to you, but it applies to everyone.

Now back to the "right" person. We fall for that fairytale and then end up marrying that fairytale and when the chemistry wears off, there's nothing left. You can have chemistry with anyone. You can feel sparks fly with someone you meet for 10 minutes, but the truth is, you can't have a relationship with just anyone...that takes actual effort, not just chemistry.

Andy's big point is this—you're not going to find the right person until you start focusing on becoming the right person. When he said this, that's when I knew I've been doing this whole thing wrong. I've been looking for the right guy, when really I should be making sure I'm right for the right guy.

You've got to be the kind of person the person you are looking for is looking for.

You want someone trustworthy and faithful and responsible, but are you that person? Would that person be attracted to the person you are right now? Something to ponder. And if you're not those things that you're searching for in another, what made you that way?

I have no answers on this one. I'm still soaking it all in. I hope you spend the 50 minutes to watch Part One, if not I hope my blog explained it, but if you have more specific questions, feel free to ask me at kerrigasskd@gmail.com. This series has 3 weeks left to it and if you missed the first night, you won't be lost if you want to jump in, so if you're interested in going next week, let me know!

Not hunting, not seeking, but becoming,
K

Pizza, Pizza

If you know me, you know I love pizza. I mean, I could eat it everyday love it. I'm obsessed. I'm also a huge fan of Hill City pizza. However, I've never had a great service experience there and last night was probably the most interesting of all. People call it Hill Shitty as a joke, but I sometimes wonder. I will say I have been a server, in a pizza restaurant, and it's hellacious and people can be really rude and it can just flat out suck. So I'm not trying to be a whiny patron and this was not the worst restaurant experience I've had by far, but the punch line is quite entertaining.

I've had two or three instances already where they forgot to put my order in at Hill City, but last night was different.

Last night was most epic of all. We arrive after kickball and are starving. They immediately inform us that they have no cheese... Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't cheese typically vital to a pizza? Unless you're some no-dairy dieter, cheese is pretty much a pizza staple. So we decide to patiently wait for them to go get cheese from somewhere, which they warn us will take 15 minutes. Whatever. It's worth it.

Then, our pizza shows up and looks like this....




I'm not one to complain to servers. Even if I hate my food, I usually don't mention it. My friend, Claire however shouts out, "This is burnt!" Which, obviously from the pictures...it was.

Our server says, "We always burn our pizzas like that."

.........

We still scarfed down the burnt pizza, because we were hungry. Needless to say, Claire got another pizza on the house.

Only me,
K

Are You Ready to Rumble?

Recently, a friend mentioned his frustration with finding girls who seemed great upfront. Had every quality you could want in a woman—and then after putting in a week or so of effort, they get the "I'm not ready to date." sinker. Been there, done that. As a 20-30 something in the dating world of this generation, I've discovered there are a lot of people who either a) just got dumped by the one they thought was "the one"(as myself) or b) they're divorced.

You automatically assume that because someone is out at a bar, flirting, buying you drinks, and making the moves that they're on the search. They're sending the outward sign that, "Hey! I'm single! I'm okay with it! I don't give a damn about my ex and I'm ready to find someone else! Now let's go!" But as myself and many of my friends have found, just because they act that way, doesn't mean it's true.

So I've come up with a few signs to know if:

1) Your most recent interest is ready to date.
or
2) You are ready to date.


1. Bitterness. If you/you're interest is constantly making snide remarks about their ex or complaining about how the ex did this or that wrong, they're not over it. That resentment will just carry over into the next relationship and no one needs that. Tell them to call you when they're over it.

2. Crazy for love(or attention). When people become single, they have a tendency to sometimes pursue just about anyone and everyone they see. In most cases, that urge to flirt with every person of the opposite sex fades(then again I've met some pretty long-term creepers). If you can't keep yourself from buying every girl/guy you're semi-attracted to a drink and imagining where the night may lead, you don't have it out of your system yet. If the guy/girl your chasing is chasing everyone INCLUDING you around the bar, they're not ready. You can talk to them about it, but if they get defensive...NEXT!

3. One is the loneliest number. In reality, everyone needs alone time. If you/you're interest can't be alone without worrying what everyone else is doing or moping because he/she/you is alone, it's not time. Before you can move on with someone new, you have to be completely comfortable being yourself, by yourself. You change as a person when you date someone else and when that relationship ends, you've got to figure out who you are without that person. If the person you're interested in is at the bar every night or constantly trying to surround themselves with others and gain their approval...well you know what to do. If you are that person that can't be alone—take baby steps. Spend a night in, when you know all of your friends are out. Take a mini-vacation alone. Whatever you have to do to find out who the new you is. (Did I mention, you will never find the old you? Because you won't.)

Word to the wise: If you're not ready to date, stop acting like it and screwing up the fun for the rest of us who are! I understand, being alone sucks. We all get it. But going out in public and treating men/women like you ARE ready to date is just rude. You may be in some funk, but don't pull others down with you. Go out with your friends and feel free to look, but don't attempt to order off the menu.

If you realize someone is showing the signs of not being ready or they tell you they're not...run. Sometimes even after they tell you they're not ready, they will do things that make you think maybe they really are. Ignore it. You'll know when they're ready, you may be around, you may not, but either way, if you avoid that mess they're in and keep yourself out of it, you're way better off.

Lord help me take my own advice,
K

Did You Say Shots?

It's been 2 weeks since I started this Match.com experience and one week since I went on my first Match date. I should've written about this sooner, but much more important things have been happening.

So this guy starts messaging me back and forth and I can't help but notice that I recognize him from somewhere. There's one picture I swear I've seen somewhere, and then it hits me that I've seen this picture on my friend Mel's Facebook. I text her immediately and find out that it is the guy from her Facebook and a co-worker...who she informs me is a total douchebag...great. I decide to give it a try anyways. It felt less nerve wracking considering I knew someone who knew him, so if he tried to kidnap me, someone knew where to find him.

So our date is set for a Thursday at 7 at Northshore Grille. I can probably hit Northshore with a bouncy ball from the Dollhouse, but I still show up a few minutes early. He texts me at 6:59 to tell me he'll be there in 10 minutes...minus one. I'm all about punctuality, folks. I go in to the bar area and see one of my friends from my group and for a second think, "Screw this. I'm going to sit here and have a beer with my friend and forget this." But people are looking forward to reading this so when I see the guy I decide to go with it. He orders a beer, I decide to do the same. It takes a good 15 minutes to just order, because he can't stop talking long enough to look at the menu, but at least the guy can hold a conversation.

Then, it gets interesting...he suggests ordering a shot. Wait! What?!? Before the entree?!? So I'm thinking he's either an alcoholic or this date is that bad. Then, I can't decide if he's trying to see if I'm "cool enough to hang" or "trashy enough to take shots at dinner." I make a last minute decision to take a shot. I can't shoot straight liquor without throwing it up on everyone around me, so I go for the mixed shot my friend has ordered all night the Saturday before...Captain on Crack...and survived the shot without puking. Thank God.

He continued to talk...alot. Then, we went next door and had a few beers and discussed shark week. The conversation was fine, but there was far too much drinking for this first date. If you immediately need alcohol to get through a date...not a good sign. Was he a douche? Well not ultimately, but he did make a few comments that let me know that after about date 5 he'd probably be one. Don't ever mention a woman's weight...even if it's another woman's weight, to a woman. You immediately look like a shallow pig.

Things turned around for me on the weekend though. I went with some friends to church Sunday at Calvary Chapel. It was my first time, and I was shocked and happy to see how many people there were my age. I still have a month or two left of this Match thing, but I see much more potential in finding someone at church than online. Whew.

Plus, the sermon at church was really what I needed. They discussed embracing the "season" of life that you're in, even if it's not the one you expected to be in. For me that "season" is singledom . Lately, a lot of my "group" has been finding guys and girls that make them happy and they're trying the relationship route. While I make fun of their mushy Facebook comments or their tendency to drop everything to hang out with their significant other, I'm super happy for them, because I know if I had someone that treats me like that, I'd be doing the same. My friends and I have all dated some real duds lately and I'm glad they've finally found men (and women) that appreciate them, want to spend time with them, and are overall just good for them.

Match is okay, but I'm pretty sure every Alabama fan with a fishing pole has sent me a message. To be honest, I haven't cared much about even trying to talk to anyone on there. It seems like too much effort. Terrible I know. I'll keep trying and if anyone else interesting comes along, I might give the date a shot, but for some reason I feel like something really good is lurking around the corner and it's not on the internet...

Guess we'll wait and see,
K

Sugar Daddies

Well, so far...so interesting. I've had quite a few messages and there have been about 3 I've actually responded to. I've even had guys from Texas message me. Why? Long distance sucks. But as the title says, I had my first run in with a sugar daddy, looking for someone to be his sugar baby.

I got a message from this 53 year old (my DAD is 53-yuck!), from Chattanooga and this was his message, verbatim:

hi..i d love to talk and see you.i live on a beautiful golf course here in chattanooga,..it has a hot tub spa,sauna,steam and a pool..i love to treat you great..,drop me a note,,..kisses,,jerry

Well Jerry, although your hot tub spa and that steam you got sound super appealing, I don't see anything about your BMW or vacation home in the Caribbean. What kind of sugar daddy are you? And your grammar is nuts. Out of control nuts. And is that all your house has to offer? No kitchen? Come on now Jerry. Are you so uninteresting that all you have to offer is the water features at your country club home?

It goes without saying I didn't respond, but me and my office mate did go thru his pictures. His first picture has the logo from the dating site sugardaddie.com on it. His second picture is of himself on a boat with two twenty-something boat hoes.

There have been some guys who appear decent via internet reach out, but that's about as far as we've gotten. If it keeps up like this, I'm going to have a long 3 months and they may write the comedy of the year out of it. Thank God I'm spending the weekend with my friends cooking out and heading out to Aquapalooza. Who knows where I'd be without them!

Kisses(hahaha),
Kerri (not Jerry)

Dating In the Little City

Oh geeze. I can't believe I'm writing this. I told you this blog was about to get really interesting and I don't lie. In discussions with many friends I've come to the conclusion that it's really hard to date in this town. There are a few reasons behind it—some my fault, others not so much.

1. I hang out with a group of 20+ on the weekends and most of them are male. Most men brave enough to approach that group are probably wearing an Affliction shirt.
2. I don't think I'm going to meet the guy of my dreams randomly in Sing It or Wing It or Hill City.
3. I've been chasing some guy who wasn't really into me or a relationship, but he enjoyed being chased and like any dumb girl...I thought there would be a finish line (although, I think he tried to warn me of this.) Thus, I wasn't looking.
4. All the men I have found aren't "looking for relationships" or not with me at least.

But if I'm not going on dates, that makes this blog not as fun. So two things are currently in process that I think will be interesting for me and you.

1. My co-workers are in the other office, feverishly working on my application to chase after Prince Charming on the next season of "The Bachelor". I'll admit—my life story is probably T.V. worthy, but I'm not putting all my eggs in this basket just yet. My sister asked me how I would feel about chasing after one guy who was crushing on 20 other girls. I laughed at the irony when I realized that's what I've been doing for months.

2. I can't believe I'm saying this. You probably won't be able to believe I'm writing this...but bare with me and get to my explanation. My best friend and I discussed it and we decided that for 3 months, I would activate a Match.com profile. Not to find the man of my dreams necessarily, but just to find some way of going on dates with people who are actually interested in dating someone and blogging about the experience. You get to reap the entertaining benefits of reading about the good, the bad and the awkward. I'm slightly terrified, but kind of excited to see what Chattanooga has to really offer when you're dealing with men who are genuinely interested in dating. Don't worry. I won't do anything dangerous or stupid, like meet someone alone or in another town. Someone will always be nearby, whether the date knows it or not. And to answer your question, no I'm not going to tell them about the blog (right away). That would take all the fun out of it.

[Less Than 24 Hours into the Experiment] In December, my best friend, D, and I created a free Match.com profile really quickly just to see the profile of her boyfriend at the time. They force you to fill out certain aspects, so we just made a bunch of stuff up for the mean time. Apparently, I threw in my love for fishing in the "About Me" section. We activated the profile last night, but didn't put in my real information, yet. Needless to say, this morning I had an inbox full of messages from guys holding pictures of bass fish. Now, I really do enjoy fishing—I have my own tackle box and 3 poles, but I don't need anyone thinking they've found their John Deere Dream Girl, so I can't wait to update this thing.

I also had a guy send a message saying that we couldn't go any further in getting to know each other until I answered if I'm a coke girl or pepsi girl. I feel like it's a trick question and I'm not real sure I'll respond. Either way, this is guaranteed to be fun for at least people reading this. Stay tuned!

K

You're Never the Exception

I read the book He's Just Not That Into You many years ago and loved it. A few years later, the movie came out and my friends loved it, too. One important moral of the story is to remember "You're always the rule—never the exception." Meaning, as much as you think you are that one girl that's going to get the fairytale romance...you're more than likely not and just wasting your time on some loser, when you could be finding the right guy/girl. Yet, even after watching the movie—all my girlfriends were convinced they were the exception.

A friend posted one of my favorite lines on Facebook recently, "Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."

I decided to post the entire excerpt from that part of the book, because it explains my situation way better than I could at this point, and when I read it, it felt like a good kick in the ass that I needed. This lesson applies to guys and girls, so I hope all my male readers take note, too. I mean...it was written by a man. I know it's long, but read all of it. You won't be disappointed.

Read on my friends.

"Cut your losses and don't waste your time. Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feelings. Thank God for that really. But having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.

My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we're "broken up.") He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me. And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together. I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you're not going out anymore. It's genius! It's diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you." Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy. The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.

Breakup sex still means you're broken up.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Don't give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel crappy or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time."

Never the exception,
K

Where Less Than 110% Gets You

I realized where I was a year ago today and immediately knew what it was that I've been wanting to write about the past few days.

A year ago, at this moment, I was in the car with my Mom and Grandmother heading to the airport in Nashville.

Mom was about to have a stem cell transplant.

I was flying to Seattle to welcome my ex-failance home from Afghanistan.

My emotions were being pulled in more directions than you could ever imagine.

But this day reminds me about how I always try to give 110% in relationships.

I did whatever it took to take care of him while he was gone and be the ONE person there when he came back. I tried to do all I could for my mom and spend as many moments as possible with my her and take care of myself in the meantime. Even though things didn't work out with him, I never regretted giving my best.

That's what you have to do to make a relationship work and since I've been single I realize how many people are scared, don't want to or don't know how to. You have to want to give 110%. There can't be 50, or 70 or even 99 percent. If you're not all in—then what's the point. That's no fun for either person and relationships are supposed to be fun. You're supposed to want to spend more than normal amounts of time together and just enjoy the "fresh car smell" stage of the relationship. You're supposed to be crazy about each other and it's totally acceptable.

You can't just be willing to give 110%, but you have to open yourself up to receive it. If you're not in a place where you don't know what to do with the love and passion someone is giving you, it's not going to work either, because that person will feel rejected and used. Then, you'll end up drunk and breaking up on MLK Blvd. and wake up the next morning, still not sure why, but Facebook confirms everything.


I recently attended my sorority sister, Lyndi's wedding. It was never a question of "if" these two would tie the knot, but "when." These two are the perfect example of marrying your best friend and two individuals that give 110% if not more to each other. Congrats guys!

The Crazy Neighbor Lady With No Pants

This morning, I had my first terrifying "living on my own" experience. At my dollhouse apartment, I have a nice little porch to myself, that also has a gate that leads down some steps to the backyard. At the bottom of the steps, you can just walk directly onto the property behind ours and head towards the main road. I've never felt unsafe in my apartment, but not long after I moved in, I noticed the gate on my porch was being left open. I realized someone was probably using my porch as a cut through to get to that road and lazily leaving my gate open. I didn't love the idea, but I wasn't too concerned, just curious who it was.

This may be TMI, but I'm telling you anyways. When I'm getting ready for work, the apartment tends to get super hot and stuffy so at this point in my routine I'm half dressed...shirt on, but no pants.

While mid-routine, I was my kitchen making breakfast while chatting with a friend and noticed to white blurs run by my window in the crouched position onto my porch. I ran the 2 feet to the living room window and peep out and see a kid who is still crouched down and from this position it looks like he's trying to steal my chair. The next few thoughts race through my mind:

1. Someone else is with this kid, because I know I saw two blurs. Is it a kid or an adult?
2. I'm getting robbed and I really don't know what to do about it.
3.. Do I open the door now or put on pants and then attack?

I immediately decide if I take the time to find pants, this kid will be gone—and no one is stealing from me, even if I'm scared out of my mind right now.

So I fling open the door (trying my best to keep my waist hidden behind the door) and yell, "What the heck are you doing?!?!" I see the other kid is halfway down the stairs and I'm pretty sure the other saw me peep out the window and was scared to move after that.

They looked to be anywhere form 8 to 10 and in shaky voices informed me they were just cutting through and asked me if that was okay. I tried to laugh (still hiding my no-pantsed self behind the door, but I'm pretty sure he knew what was going on) and told them that was okay, but that they had just scared me.

So now the mystery of my porch runner is solved and all the neighborhood kids are telling each other about the crazy lady next door with no pants on. Only me.

Have A Funky Friday

While writing my 1,500 word article for the day is super thrilling, I really need to use my lunch break to write about something less...work-ey.

I must say, I'm one lucky gal. I've got the best friends a girl could ask for and there's more than about 20 of them I can call on at any time. They've really been there for me this week, without hesitation. They know when I need a funny g-chat, an emoticon rant, or when I just want to walk into Sing It or Wing It and sing a "here's what I think about that" kind of song—and they're willing to do any of the above. If you don't have friends like this in life, you've missed out.

After an interesting pedicure experience, I was quite sure my week couldn't get any weirder.

My friend Todd told me I'm a "shit-magnet". I don't totally disagree after this weeks events.

While in pure bliss from this pedicure, I hear a woman walk in and start yelling. At first I think she's joking around with the owner, until I finally realize he's yelling at her to leave or he'll call the police. Apparently, she has some dementia issues and keeps forgetting when she gets manicures and is convinced they are taking her money...go figure. As our nails are drying, two rather attractive cops show up to take the statement and they were rather smiley at us. When I passed them at the red light when we left, I think for the first time in my life, I considered doing something to purposely get pulled over.

After the craziest pedi ever, two friends called wanting to buy me a beer and ensure my sanity was still intact. I really didn't want to because the past two nights didn't consist of much sleep and I was definitely starting to feel the reprocussions.

They were relentless, like all good friends should be, so I took my grungy (but freshly painted toenailed) self to The Terminal. After catching up, they managed to get me to go to Market Street Tavern for just one drink.

That "one drink" was the best thing to happen to me all week. Holy cow. You haven't lived until you've had the Funky Monkey martini at Market Street Tavern. I mean this thing was perfection. It's also their martini of the month all month. I posted a recipe I found online so you can try it and see for yourselves or just go there and pay the $7 to make someone else do it because it's WELL worth it. I highly recommend you make your Friday funky with all your funky friends. If you don't have friends like mine, I highly recommend you find some. Life is way more bearable with them. :)


Funky Monkey Martini

2 ounces of Score Banana vodka
1 ounce of Creme de Cacao
1 tablespoon of chocolate syrup
1 tablespoon of chocolate milk

2 freezing martini glasses

The mix
Add your Score Banana vodka and Creme de Cacao to a shaker half full of ice.
Shake, shake, shake for a full minute.
Add the chocolate milk to your shaker, and give another ten shakes.
Strain your chocolate martini into the glasses.



Stay funky,
KL

Story Time

I have plenty to blog about right now. Too much to even think about, but I promise the blog that needs to be written is coming.

In the meantime, I want to hear your awful dating stories. A co-worker mentioned that she wished she could anonymously post her dating nightmares so let's hear it. I want to know your worst pick-up attempts, the most awkward first dates, the greatest break-ups, whatever you think will make others feel like they're not alone in this awful world of singledom. You can send them to my email Kerrigasskd@gmail.com and I won't include names when I post them, unless you want me to.

I may even have a prize in it for the best one. Just sayin'.

KL

What the Starbucks Barista Didn't Know

I slept all of one tossing and turning hour last night. It was a downright crappy night. 4 of my close friends got 3:30 am phone calls. I dreaded today, too because I knew it would suck. Let's just say this about my bad night, if I knew a damn thing about dating, I wouldn't have a blog called "Single in the Little City." (and the fact that my ex-failance's new fiance decided to comment on every picture of his that I ever commented on so I'd receive a notification didn't help either. The blog about that scenario is coming soon.)

Needless to say, I needed the green twin-tailed siren more than she knew this morning.

I ordered my usual venti coffee with room for cream and the guy joked, "Sorry we're out of room today." I giggled and thought, "Ok, maybe this day won't suck."

Wrong. I reached in my purse and realized my wallet wasn't there because I picked up the wrong purse this morning. I told the barista sorry and turned to walk away and she said, "Hey, don't worry about it" and gave me the coffee for free.

My co-workers and I visit this Starbucks daily so she knows I'll get her back, but the point is—she had no idea I had a bad night.
She had no idea I had no sleep or that today was going to come with an awkward, uncomfortable confrontation.

She just paid it forward with no questions asked.
She didn't hesitate for a second.

My point is, you never know what someone is going through, even if they walk around like a ray of sunshine, inside it might be cloudy, so treat people with kindness and compassion and even if you think they're having the best day of their life, do what you can to make it that much better.




KL

Why We Cheat With Ugly People

Have you or someone you know ever been cheated on and then you see the cheatee' and think what the hell? I know it's happened to me, my best friend, people who have been married before—and you can't help but wonder—why did they down-grenade?

When it first happened to my best friend no one could process how you could leave a knock-out for someone who looked like they'd been knocked out.

I caught my ex-failance' cheating on craigslist one time. No lie. I was on his e-mail account to access some hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation and found messages from girls he had contacted on craigslist looking for dates, sex, lord knows what. Do you know what people look like on craigslist? No! Because most of them he was contacting were probably men—but that's just proves....it's not looks that make people cheat—it's unhappiness, and not unhappiness with the relationship, but unhappiness with themselves.

When people cheat, we always ask the wrong question. We ask, "Well how could they do that to them with that?!?"

When really the question should be, "Why did they do something so dumb to themselves?"

Simply put...they're unhappy with some part of themselves and they feel like the thrill and secretiveness of cheating will fill that unhappiness. We all want to be happy and when we aren't anymore, some of us are too afraid to admit it, so we'll sneak around with anyone we can to find that happiness, even if we don't realize it's just going to be temporary and what's coming will be hell to pay.

So if you ever find yourself in this crap situation, don't ask yourself, "How could they do this to me?" yet ask yourself, "Why was I dating someone who was so unhappy they could do this to themselves?"

5 Things I Learned From Table 94

7 years ago today I went to celebrate my best friend's birthday at Provino's and we sat at table 94. I was 15, had just started wearing contacts and was awkward as hell. I noticed a cute boy and for the first time in my life a cute boy noticed me. My waitress ends up giving me his number and we have an awkward conversation as I left that night.

That boy and I dated on and off, then fast forward 6 years and that boy put a ring on my finger.

Fast forward a year from there and that ring is now stashed in my underwear drawer, I own an unused wedding dress, and he has a new girlfriend.

Funny how things don't play out like you thought they would, but the truth is, I learned a lot as the girl from table 94.

1. It's a lot harder to cancel a wedding than plan one. In fact, it's a pain in the ass. Trying to get back deposits and figuring out what to do with the save-the-date magnets you slaved over for hours—sucks. Having to call your marriage counselor and tell them you no longer need it—sucks. Getting the 10% off card to purchase whatever you didn't receive on your gift registry from Target—sucks. As much as it sucks, it's also worth every painful moment. Many of my friends are divorced and I'd rather spend a 3 months canceling a wedding than 6 months waiting for my divorce to go through, which is where it would've obviously led.

2. A lot of people have more than one engagement. At first, I was totally embarrassed. I couldn't tell my Mom for days. I was terrified of her reaction. When I finally did tell her, her response shocked me. She told me it was okay and probably for the best. She wasn't mad about the money we'd spent (maybe the $600 deposit we couldn't get back later down the road), but she was relieved that we discovered something was wrong now and not later. The more people found out about it, the more I found that they too had a failed engagement or two before they found the right one. That was relieving somehow.

3. Trust your gut. When I think back on it, I had a lot of hesitations about things when I first got engaged. Now I realize why and that even though I ignored them, they eventually reared their ugly head themselves. If something doesn't feel right—it's not.

4. Don't ever stop giving your all. I was pissed at first that I spent so much time giving everything I had to someone. Countless trips across country, tons of packages to Afghanistan that cost $14 just to send, and mostly deciding I was willing to leave my family and friends to move to Seattle. I was so angry I ever did any of this or considered the last part. Then, I realized that I couldn't loose that part of myself just because someone didn't appreciate it. I like that I'm a giving girlfriend that would do anything for someone I like/love and I shouldn't just stop doing that because someone might take advantage of it, because one day someone will appreciate it and do the same in return.

5.All wounds really do heal in time. When it all first ended, I went into a panic attack and I'm pretty sure my parents drugged me that first night. I thought I would never get over it. I thought I'd cry every day. I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop texting him. Then, one day...out of nowhere...I realized I had moved on and I'm certain I have because everyone holds special dates like today close to their heart and we dread them when they become a reminder of something that didn't last. I dreaded today too, until I was writing this blog and realized...I didn't cry one damn tear.

KL

Giddy up!

I want to jump back to my last blog..."The Creeper" one. Immediately after writing that blog, I walked from my office to the Lookouts stadium which is only 3 blocks away. It was 5:30 on a Friday afternoon, relatively normal for a woman to be walking downtown, either heading to her car or happy hour, correct? A block away from my building, I see out of the corner of my eye that a tiny smart car with a non-murderer looking business man has pulled up next to me. He rolls down the window and says, "Hey! Need a ride?" At first, I thought maybe I knew him from work, but no, it was just random guy, with NO clue where I'm headed asking if he can take me there. I concluded that must mean one of the following:

1. He's just super creepy.
2. I dress like a homeless person at work and look really helpless.

Bless it.

This past weekend I went to Nashville for the Iroquois Steeplchase horse races. Can I just say, there is nothing better than dressing up in expensive suits, dresses, hats and bow ties and drinking Bud Light? Classy!

I wanted to find my future frat-tastic husband but the fact I went with 3 (very good looking) men didn't help my chances much.


Lucky for me, I'm not exactly looking anyways!

Do the Creep

Urban Dictionary has pages of definitions for the word "creep", but this one is my favorite.

creep(noun or verb)
A man or woman who breaks social rules in an odd or frightening way.

Lately, I've encountered my fair share of creeps.

Like the guy whose calls and texts I ignored for a week (because he tried to convince me he trains soldiers in Africa) and when I accidentally decide to answer a number I don't recognize he says:

"Hey I'm at the store looking for something to mix with my hummus to flavor it. What do you think?"

Really?!?

Or the guy who I met only one time and his only requirements for our first "date" were that it included booze and happened at my place. What about taking a girl out in public...sober? Needless to say that never happened.

My friends have enjoyed my creepin' stories and I must say they've made for some quality entertainment, but can the next one not be a creep, please? That's what Craigslist dating is for? (sidenote:I caught my ex doing that once, really)

Better luck this weekend. In the mean time, creepers will keep on creepin'!

Like Indian Outlaws

A few weeks ago at work I got a mystery number call on my cell and picked it up. Most people ignore these, but most of you know, I'm way to curious for that. The voice on the other end asked me if I remembered entering for Tim McGraw tickets (no, not really) and informed me I had won 2 VIP passes and 2 tickets. Hello karma is that you?!?! All my best girl friends were out of town, so I took one of my guy best friends, Ringer (but if you ask my ex's mother, she'll tell you we're dating—we're not).

We had a ridiculous time! We witnessed–

Over 700 sundresses bought at Target, paired with cowgirl boots
At least 7 people who were being held up by friends
5 babies being made
1 mother, being held up by her daughter
1 little person
1 man who passed out on a blanket that wasn't his
and this one man who managed to piss himself before Tim ever performed.



It was by far the best people watching I've done in quite a long time. If you ever get the chance to see Tim live—do it. If not for his music, just to see his fans. They're a rowdy bunch and they do it up right when it comes to the tailgating. Especially these 2 crazy kids...




KL

Drinking and Dialing

Oh cell phones. We can't live (classy) with them, but Lord knows we can't live without them! Text messaging was probably the death of dating. Messages get easily misunderstood, lost in a scramble, and T9 word is bound to make a fool of you.

On Fridays and Saturdays text messages become dangerous for some. If your not careful good ole' liquid courage will encourage you to send things that would make you blush any other day of the week (which can make it a good thing)—or as I ran into this weekend, they can make you look like a real ass. Texting under these conditions is acceptable only if you can refrain from looking like a fool, which most people can't accomplish.

Note: Truth be told I started this conversation, but as you will see, this jerk swiftly ended it.

Ways to Look Dumb via Text 101:

Dumb: Yea I'm with this hot b*** named (I will save her dignity here)
Smart: Ok well that's great.
Dumb: Yep she hotter than u
Smart: Ok well that's great too.
Dumb: We can still kick it sometime if u want.

First off, your grammar is guaranteed to be awful under these circumstances (see text 3). Secondly, if this girl ever got a hold of your phone and noticed you politely referred to her as a hot b***, I'm sure (hopefully) it'd be the last time. Also, the only time you tell a girl that the new girl your with is hotter than her is when she's really not. Oh yeah, Vanilla Ice called and he's still up to "kick it" sometime, but this gal is not.

Darius Rucker says it best....


Happy Friday ya'll!

KL