5 Things I Learned From Table 94

7 years ago today I went to celebrate my best friend's birthday at Provino's and we sat at table 94. I was 15, had just started wearing contacts and was awkward as hell. I noticed a cute boy and for the first time in my life a cute boy noticed me. My waitress ends up giving me his number and we have an awkward conversation as I left that night.

That boy and I dated on and off, then fast forward 6 years and that boy put a ring on my finger.

Fast forward a year from there and that ring is now stashed in my underwear drawer, I own an unused wedding dress, and he has a new girlfriend.

Funny how things don't play out like you thought they would, but the truth is, I learned a lot as the girl from table 94.

1. It's a lot harder to cancel a wedding than plan one. In fact, it's a pain in the ass. Trying to get back deposits and figuring out what to do with the save-the-date magnets you slaved over for hours—sucks. Having to call your marriage counselor and tell them you no longer need it—sucks. Getting the 10% off card to purchase whatever you didn't receive on your gift registry from Target—sucks. As much as it sucks, it's also worth every painful moment. Many of my friends are divorced and I'd rather spend a 3 months canceling a wedding than 6 months waiting for my divorce to go through, which is where it would've obviously led.

2. A lot of people have more than one engagement. At first, I was totally embarrassed. I couldn't tell my Mom for days. I was terrified of her reaction. When I finally did tell her, her response shocked me. She told me it was okay and probably for the best. She wasn't mad about the money we'd spent (maybe the $600 deposit we couldn't get back later down the road), but she was relieved that we discovered something was wrong now and not later. The more people found out about it, the more I found that they too had a failed engagement or two before they found the right one. That was relieving somehow.

3. Trust your gut. When I think back on it, I had a lot of hesitations about things when I first got engaged. Now I realize why and that even though I ignored them, they eventually reared their ugly head themselves. If something doesn't feel right—it's not.

4. Don't ever stop giving your all. I was pissed at first that I spent so much time giving everything I had to someone. Countless trips across country, tons of packages to Afghanistan that cost $14 just to send, and mostly deciding I was willing to leave my family and friends to move to Seattle. I was so angry I ever did any of this or considered the last part. Then, I realized that I couldn't loose that part of myself just because someone didn't appreciate it. I like that I'm a giving girlfriend that would do anything for someone I like/love and I shouldn't just stop doing that because someone might take advantage of it, because one day someone will appreciate it and do the same in return.

5.All wounds really do heal in time. When it all first ended, I went into a panic attack and I'm pretty sure my parents drugged me that first night. I thought I would never get over it. I thought I'd cry every day. I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop texting him. Then, one day...out of nowhere...I realized I had moved on and I'm certain I have because everyone holds special dates like today close to their heart and we dread them when they become a reminder of something that didn't last. I dreaded today too, until I was writing this blog and realized...I didn't cry one damn tear.

KL