Big Girl Panties

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

That's a phrase that's stuck with me since college. While images of walking around in granny panties was the first thing that came to my mind the first time I read it, this phrase has come in handy for me, especially the past week or so.

Long (really long) story short-I'm unattached and so is my fibula...

Yep. A broken ankle. I'd rather not get into the "why and how" of the previous events, because that's not the point, but there you have it.

I hate crying, but I do it a lot when I'm frustrated. For example, recently the following inconsequential events led me to tears:

1. Seeing the nurse bring crutches in my room. I suddenly realized that I actually broke a bone. I'm not sure why this was Earth shattering, as the break was pretty obvious, but at the time I felt pretty pathetic.

2. Falling/tripping...a lot. I realized that if I'm not graceful on my own two feet, I'm sure as hell not graceful on crutches.

3. Doors shutting in my face because I can't hold them open is the ultimate "screw you."

4. While I've been incredibly blessed to have family and amazing friends (Todd Shirley shoutout!), those late-at-night moments when I was truly alone just kind of sucked.

Bucket Lists and Blue Lights


So as you can see, lots of stupid stuff has just brought on the waterworks lately. Luckily, Sunday night I had my "come to Jesus."

A local news station reported around 10pm that due to some rare solar flare, it was possible that states as far South as Alabama may be able to see the Northern Lights. Considering that's on my bucket list, I figured why not knock it out in my hometown if I could?!

So at 10:30-ish, I grab my crutches and jump in the car....alone. Not really knowing where I could get a great view without having to get out, I decide my best bet is to just head up Lookout Mountain.

Halfway up, I realize how dark it is up there at night (I know - no shit, Sherlock.) I start driving rather slowly, making sure I find the road that heads to Point Park - my first idea for a good view. It's so dark that I miss the right turn, but see it last minute and do that thing where you sort of stop, but realize it's going to require a turn-around. I also realize there's a cop sitting at the stop sign.

Of course, I take off slowly, trying to decide my plan of action, which is immediately screwed when the cop turns and starts to follow me. I've only been pulled over twice in my life, so this quickly made me a nervous wreck.

I try to act cool and decide I'll just drive and act like I know where I'm going, that way I don't seem so shady cruising the fancy neighborhood in my Saturn Ion...surely my bike rack makes me rich and preppy, right? Well, maybe it did, until I ended up driving straight into the parking lot of Rock City. Shit- nowhere to go from here.

I just stopped in the road - lost. Not terribly lost, but obviously lost. Sure as hell, he turns on those dreaded blue lights. Double shit.

He comes to the car, flashlight on, and asks me if I'm lost.

Just imagine this cop's face when I try to explain to him I'm driving up Lookout Mtn. to see the Northern Lights. As the words come out of my mouth, I felt the quick grip in my throat, the one signaling I was about to cry. Cry because I've got a broken ankle, broken heart and I just wanted to see the freaking Northern Lights...in Tennessee...and now I drove my hobbling ass up here alone and got lost...and I realize the whole thing sounds ridiculous.

But suddenly, that quote about pulling on large panties jumped in my head. I knew if I started crying and blubbering about the Northern Lights, this cop was likely to send me on the next bus to Moccasin Bend. So I pulled up my big girl panties, pushed the lump in my throat down and just told him I got turned around in the dark. Sure, he was skeptical of my astrological scavenger hunt at first, but he eventually just pointed me in the right direction and let me be on my way. Whew.

I wrote this whole long thing to say this-  while it was probably crazy to drive up there to get a glimpse of the Northern Lights, it made me realize that alone or not, broke ankle or not, that's life sometimes-and life can be tough (and definitely a hell of a lot tougher than this), but you just have to pull up your big girl panties (or boxer briefs) and deal with it.

Is it okay to have a 60-second-pity party and cry all alone on the couch when shit hits the fan? Oh yeah! But only if you dry it up, swallow your pride and move on.

I never did see the Northern Lights thanks to the clouds blanketing the city, but I'll mark it off the list one day, either alone or with whoever God has picked out for me.

Gimpy K